this has been a craptastic year, falling deeply into the following categories: "stuff that makes you extremely thankful for the good times," "if only the mayans had been right...sigh," and "more xanax, please."
***DISCLAIMER***
a. i do not actually wish the world had ended.
b. i am not abusing xanax. i have never even taken a xanax. it is something that, like quitting my job or visiting alaska, i have fantasized about but do not have the balls to actually DO.
c. i am probably a candidate for a number of prescription drugs and am not making light of anyone's mental health issues. just my own.
moving on, i do not have the emotional energy necessary to catalog the harsher realities of the past year, so i thought maybe i would feel more awesome about life if i forced myself to make a list of the good things that have happened this year. the grouchy side of me immediately thought:
1. i still have a job.
2. i am not dead.
-END OF LIST-
but, like i do with seventh graders for months on end, i required myself to think a little harder. i can't promise that these aren't laced with cynicism and maybe a splash of bitterness, but i really did think of as many as i could.
"good" things that happened during the 2012-2013 school year:
an exhaustive, exhausting list that no one in the world should feel obligated to read
1. i still have a job.
2. i am not dead.
3. the mayans were not right.
4. all dogs remained extremely healthy.
5. my house is still standing. this is not sarcasm. after watching the coverage of these recent tornadoes, i have really been appreciating my modest, messy little home. it has reminded me of a scene from my favorite book, harry potter 7, where harry realizes what a miracle his living body is. that's how i feel about my standing house. the walls and ceilings and appliances, all covered in black dog hair, are miraculous.
6. i read A LOT of good books this year.
7. i found an easy curry recipe that i love.
8. most of my recent addictions have been to healthy and harmless things, like greek yogurt and bubble baths and young adult fantasy novels.
9. no unpleasant encounters with my students' parents. this may be a first.
10. many healthy babies were born to many happy friends.
11. i revamped my wardrobe. we'll call that a win for grief-induced shopping binges.
12. i made some phenomenally cool new friends.
13. after many emotional meltdowns over the thought of selling rosita the punch buggie, i treated myself to a shiny new car. her name is margarita, but she goes by rita mae because that's what i always thought the beatles' song said. all of her parts seem to be working.
14. i got hooked on the first mumford & sons album, which is just absolutely beautiful. i cook breakfast to it every saturday.
15. i cultivated- if not a love, then at least- a respect for football, fueled mainly by my love of beer, chips, and yelling.
16. facebook's mandatory switch to timeline did not ruin my life.
17. i finally learned to buy shiner's seasonal beers in such massive quantities that i have a few left at the start of that beer's season the next year. this also makes me feel good because it's proof that i do not drink them all at once.
18. i am expanding my horizons by attempting to read a book on a kindle for the first time.
19. recent television classic "new girl" swooped in to take the place of the sitcoms i lost this year.
20. thanks to my dvr, i'll be able to watch "30 rock" and "the office" for millenia to come.
21. just as i self-diagnosed myself with an adult onset peanut allergy, i discovered that snickers comes in an almond variety. #winning
22. my fantastically generous baby brother gave me the gift of his time and brute strength for my birthday, turning a boring-ass patch of flagstone into a charming little flower bed. this is something i had wanted to do for at least two years.
23. said brother also scoured the internet for the greatest material gift any human being could give me and found the complete series of my all-time favorite show, "david the gnome," on dvd. i win again, this time in the "brother" category. additionally, watching those old episodes gave me some helpful insights into how i became the militant liberal environmentalist child that i was. i probably would have fit in better growing up in texas if they had been playing "song of the south" on nick jr.
24. during a few beautiful weeks of february, i took some delightfully relaxing walks with the doggies.
25. the resurrection of arrested development will henceforth be celebrated every may 26th. it will be kind of like easter, but with more alcohol.
26. i discovered that welch's has been supplementing purple grape juice with calcium. it still doesn't count the way that "liking milk" would, but we'll call it a step in the right direction.
27. i have saved up a very small fortune designated for furnishing my house. if you are still reading this, i should probably invite you over once it looks nice.
28. i have successfully continued to avoid online dating, which has helped me to fulfill my other life goal of not being murdered.
29. i learned to make a very good pizza crust and produced a series of delicious pizzas before my pants stopped fitting.
30. at a time when we really didn't feel like it, my nearby family pulled it together and has celebrated as many occasions as we possibly could, just like we always have. i am grateful for that.
31. none of the lizards that have been swarming my house for the past three months has managed to make it inside--yet.
32. my school district was able to give us a small raise this year, which took some of the sting out of adding the horror of a car payment to my monthly bills.
33. i thoroughly enjoyed my free xm radio subscription while it lasted.
34. one of my sisters is a fashion design superstar and the other is allegedly becoming an engineer (meanwhile, i spend my days getting called a bitch by thirteen-year-olds, but i can be happy for them for a minute!)
35. my backyard is messy but beautiful...i love it!
36. i managed to procure every pair of nick and nora pajamas that i could ever want (on clearance) before target heartlessly got rid of them. f*ck you, target.
37. my school sent me on a trip to san antonio. i had forgotten how much i love san antonio!
38. i rediscovered my love of writing ridiculous poetry by writing my mom a mother's day poem. i can't share it here because it's inappropriate personal.
39. this year, i put up full-blown christmas decorations in my front yard, complete with wooden cutouts. they're still up.
(just kidding.)
40. in march, i took a spectacular trip to baltimore to see a couple of good friends. it was a quick trip, but i'm thankful for the fun we got to have!
41. no stds! now, i've been reminded by numerous doctors that i am not high-risk for any of those, but remember, this is a year where any thing that is not a sudden death, natural disaster, or cancer diagnosis counts as good news, so there it is. and i'm determined to get to 50. good things, that is.
41. no stds! now, i've been reminded by numerous doctors that i am not high-risk for any of those, but remember, this is a year where any thing that is not a sudden death, natural disaster, or cancer diagnosis counts as good news, so there it is. and i'm determined to get to 50. good things, that is.
42. i cleaned my fridge yesterday. there is far less rotten food in there now. surely that adds to my (self-assessed) clean bill of health.
43. i have watched three disney movies in their entirety since i started writing this list.
44. north korea hasn't nuked us yet.
45. it's time to pick blueberries!
46. i am going to the beach this summer. lots of times.
47. i found two of my favorite care bears movies on dvd this year. i haven't watched them, but i'm glad i have them in case the stork ever drops off a daughter who was born in the 80s.
48. our local library is extending its hours this summer. i LOVE the library!
49. no one is going to read this, so i am not embarrassed by how ridiculous it is.
50. in a week, this year will be over.
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