i have a moderately functional foot and a fabulous new camera! here's hoping i'll feel more like writing in november...
Monday, October 31, 2011
back in action
i have a moderately functional foot and a fabulous new camera! here's hoping i'll feel more like writing in november...
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
perfect.
i've never been all that interested in perfection. i can remember being in elementary school and starting to notice the people who wanted to be the best at everything. maybe i had just taken the old "nobody's perfect" thing to heart, but i was annoyed (and not because i felt threatened, either). don't get me wrong...i'm comfortable with working hard, trying, and "doing your best." i guess i just always thought aiming for perfection was futile.
needless to say, with one working foot, my life is far less than perfect right now. you know who doesn't want to know that, though? people who ask, "how are you?" they're being friendly, and it's a nice gesture, but i'd love to see their reactions if i answered with, " well, i was up for an hour in the middle of the night because my foot was throbbing and then i was worried that i will have to have surgery and then i'll lose my job because i'll have to take so many days off of work and then i'll still probably never walk again and i'm only 27 and i didn't even do anything to myself and on the off chance that i have kids someday i won't be able to play with them and i'll probably just end up living on a bed in my parents' living room like the grandparents from willy wonka." that's exhausting. no one wants to be burdened with that nonsense, so i've been doing my best to spare them.
after two months of fake smiles and "oh, i'm great. don't worry about me"s, i am tired, but i move too slowly to avoid anyone. i'm pretty resigned to acting like this is all going to be better in a day or so and then grinning apologetically when able-bodied acquaintances notice that it's not. however, yesterday, i ran (ok, hobbled) smack into perfection, and i liked it! a principal at my school, whose good sense i've always appreciated, passed by me in the hall and said, "i'm not going to ask how you are anymore. i'm just going to say that i'm happy to see you." perfectly, absolutely just what i needed.
it's taken me until today to figure out why: i was relieved. there was no pressure to pretend, and all i had to say was "thank you."
now, i'm icing the offending foot while eating chips and guacamole and polishing of the rest of my shiner ruby redbird beer...i think this is more perfection that i can get on board with!
needless to say, with one working foot, my life is far less than perfect right now. you know who doesn't want to know that, though? people who ask, "how are you?" they're being friendly, and it's a nice gesture, but i'd love to see their reactions if i answered with, " well, i was up for an hour in the middle of the night because my foot was throbbing and then i was worried that i will have to have surgery and then i'll lose my job because i'll have to take so many days off of work and then i'll still probably never walk again and i'm only 27 and i didn't even do anything to myself and on the off chance that i have kids someday i won't be able to play with them and i'll probably just end up living on a bed in my parents' living room like the grandparents from willy wonka." that's exhausting. no one wants to be burdened with that nonsense, so i've been doing my best to spare them.
after two months of fake smiles and "oh, i'm great. don't worry about me"s, i am tired, but i move too slowly to avoid anyone. i'm pretty resigned to acting like this is all going to be better in a day or so and then grinning apologetically when able-bodied acquaintances notice that it's not. however, yesterday, i ran (ok, hobbled) smack into perfection, and i liked it! a principal at my school, whose good sense i've always appreciated, passed by me in the hall and said, "i'm not going to ask how you are anymore. i'm just going to say that i'm happy to see you." perfectly, absolutely just what i needed.
it's taken me until today to figure out why: i was relieved. there was no pressure to pretend, and all i had to say was "thank you."
now, i'm icing the offending foot while eating chips and guacamole and polishing of the rest of my shiner ruby redbird beer...i think this is more perfection that i can get on board with!
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